What it looks like when self worth slaps you down
Earlier this week I met Freddie Cruger when he showed up us my sub personality “Freddie Fearful”. It was the first time I’d ever tried this little exercise and I was blown away with what I learned from it. But there was more to come.
I’d like to briefly tell you what this “work” is that I am doing with myself at the moment. I believe that when we make a commitment to go after our dreams and create the life we crave, it’s almost like a “re-birthing” process as we peel off the layers of emotional pollution and reveal the beautiful, pure and balanced soul that we were created as.
Toward the end of last year I had decided that it was time to change lanes a little – my current lane on the motorway was ok but it was a little boring; a little too stressful as there are an awful lot of knob jockey’s on the road; a little too generic and actually not representative of me at all. I decided that in January I was going to come off and find a B road – a pretty road, slower but with beautiful scenery, dotted with Ye Olde English Inn’s serving amazing food and great wine and that promised me a journey rather than just a destination.
I took myself back to basics (I’m a stickler for things having to be “in order” before I start something) – and began to work on my biggest vision. I allowed myself to dream big – bringing forth the image of my fairytale life. I asked myself what I ask my clients, “How would you show up in the world if this image were true? Who would you be, what would you do, who would be around you, how would you stand, walk, talk?” and so the questions went on. Once I had the answer to these questions I could start to work on removing my limiting decisions around them and re-integrate the parts of myself that I’d disowned throughout my life to “fit in” and with each removal and re-integration, I can feel my vibration increasing to match my vision.
As part of this work, a few times a week I do an exercise that I found in Debbie Ford’s book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, and I hop on my bus with all my sub personalities and speak to one of them. This is how I met Freddie, and “Bird Brain Beaker” from the muppets. On Wednesday I met “Susan Self Worth” and this was the most powerful lesson yet.
During a mediative session where I was asking my Higher Self how to be more trusting of myself in business, I was told:
This is nothing to do with your business, but you have projected on to your business
This is all about your relationship with self-worth
You need to do TLT on this limiting decision, integrate with this part of yourself on the bus tonight and connect daily with absolute clarity and trust, with your vision.
So on Wednesday night I hopped on the bus and called out, “self-worth, you need to come and talk to me (at the time I couldn’t “see” anything). I’m going to sit here at the front, and you need to come and tell me what all this is about”. I sat and waited and then I felt an energy beside me but I couldn’t see anything. Again I spoke, “I know you are there but I can’t see. If I can’t see you, how are we supposed to get off this bus and go for a chat?”. I remember being shocked by my aggressive tone and when I asked her what her name was I remember laughing and saying, “Susan, yeah that sounds about right for someone like you!” (apologies to any Susan’s reading this because I have no idea what that actually meant!).
Anyway I got off the bus, knowing Susan would follow, and we went to a cafe and ordered drinks. I felt so angry and embarrassed and that’s when it happened. After being a complete bitch since the moment we met, I now quietly snarled at Susan, “Do you know how stupid I’m going to look, sat here looking like i’m talking to myself?”. Susan whispered back, “Everyone else can see me!”.
I’m not one to be shocked speachless but in that moment I was. As the profoundness of that statement entered every cell of my soul, Susan began to very slowly appear before my eyes. She is beautiful let me tell you. Glowing, soft, perfect, pretty and serene. I had to ask her, “What purpose have you served by not allowing me to see you for all this time?”. There were many learnings, too many to go in to here, but I understood them totally and I know that this is the last lesson I need. When I asked her how we can re-integrate it was a simple process of acceptance, allowing our energies to combine and then seeing myself as whole. I looked at her in awe and told her, “You are so beautiful” and when she repeated it back to me, it didn’t feel cringe worthy. We continued to bat this statement across the table for a while until I finally said, “I am beautiful” and Susan and I knew our work was done.
Back on the bus, Susan and I said our goodbyes, I gave Freddie a High 5 and Beaker got a warm hug and a reminder that being scatty is a fine trait to have. I cannot recommend this exercise enough, and it’s certainly one I’ll be taking with me on the retreat I’m running in March so I’ll be sure to let you know what happens. In the meantime, if you give it a go, I’d love to know how you get on.
Louise Cartwright from Kent, UK is a money mindset and success coach, empowering income and impact in your business. Taking herself from overweight, depressed and bankrupt to triathlete, mindset coach and business owner, Louise is passionate helping other women live their life by design, not default. Lover of weights, wine & woo – you can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. Join her community on Facebook to access free resources and training in increase your income and build your network.