I just looked up my notes from last year when I studied A Course in Miracles Workbook through, and found this doodle, and the list goes on…
“What would I be without my attack thoughts?”
What would your list look like?
In 2014 when I studied the workbook for the first time around this time Mira started showing up for me in my notebook. A rough sketch of a stick figure with a dress. No hair. And she was pissed, she had the grumpiest face I could draw with a few lines.
Back then I had a dream of being an artist, really. I had a diploma of being one but didn’t consider myself one because I had drawn my hand in a knot. Nothing had come out effortlessly, not a sinlge drawing for years so that I had truly enjoyed it. It had been a struggle for almost a decade for me back then.
I had severely attacked my gift, the most precious asset I had had all through my life, the thing that had brought me joy ever since I had held the pen for the first time. Had a knot in my hand. That’s how I described it.
But then she showed up! And doodle by doodle she drew me out of my rut. You have seen how beautiful she now looks, how effortless the lines, they just come out of my pen so gorgeously, without fear. I trust her completely, and I trust myself now too with her, and I trust my hand which holds the pen. I feel my knot has opened, and I can draw!
It has been a long journey, there has been many struggles and many scary moments, but with Mira I have been surprised. No one has ever tried to hurt her, even though the online space can be full of trolls.
The ugliest drawings I have dared to post online have been some of the most praised ones, they have even been ones that people have wanted to pay for! She has really surprised me so much.
And I would love to say that my past wounds and behaviors with my attack thoughts are now in the past where they belong, but nope. I’m still attacking my most precious thing time to time, diminishing myself, making myself small. BUT Mira makes me show up.
And so we continue, one doodle at a time to draw more light into my life and into the lives who are touched by these doodles too.
What would you be without your attack thoughts?
And what kind of journey have you taken when light has been leaking through the clouds of your attack thoughts back into your life?
This was inspired by lesson 26 from A Course in Miracles Workbook.
Check out all the doodles I drew last year.
I’m also drawing daily this year and will post a collection of my newest doodles on my free monthly elinap update, sign up if you’re curious to know more!